Troubled Memories
by Edbert987
Summary: Find out what happens when the Lone Wanderer revisits Vault 101. Through his journey he reflects on his inner demons.
1. Chapter 1

_Everyone in the Wasteland sees him as a saint, but he knows that it's all just an illusion. A mask that he puts on whenever he meets someone. Deep down, the Lone Wanderer isn't the hero that everyone thinks he is, and he knows it. There are things that he never should have done, and every waking moment he's haunted by it. Sleep isn't even a relief, as his memories haunt him in his nightmares. _

_ He's tried everything, but he can't stop the endless torment. Vault 101 seems determined to haunt him for the rest of his life. _

_ When he first left the Vault, Jayden Crae was on a quest to find his father. Things took a turn for the worse and his father was killed. From then on things began to spiral out of control. Jayden couldn't handle the stress and started roaming the Wasteland, abandoning everyone and everything._

_ People say that he was brave and heroic when he faced down the Raider camp and barely escaped death. Everyone thought that he was trying to do good, when in reality he was just being reckless. He stopped caring long ago what happened to him. _

_ Then something changed. Nobody knows what caused Jayden's change of heart, but his butler, Wadsworth, says that a strange radio broadcast shook him out of his depression. When he left Megaton after recovering from the raiding the Raiders he had the look of a determined man. A man with purpose. _

"This is an automated distress message from Vault-Tec Vault 101. Message begins:  
It feels like you left home a long time ago, but I know you're still out there."

Jayden wakes up slowly, losing his grip on the bottle of vodka he was holding in his sleep. The bottle crashes to the floor and shatters. When he hears the shattering Jayden stirs. Is it morning already? With a groan he fumbles with his Pip-Boy, trying to turn off the radio alarm.

"I just hope you're still alive to hear this."

Frowning, Jayden wipes the sleep from his eyes and stares at his Pip-Boy. Although he's half asleep he could recognize that voice anywhere. Amata. By this time he's fully awake, listening intently to the radio broadcast.

"Things got worse after you left. My father's gone mad with power. If you can hear this, please stop looking for your dad and help stop mine."

The message ends, and the loop begins again. "This is an auto-" Warily, Jayden turns the Pip-Boy off. He lies on his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his house. Stop looking for your dad, she said. With some misplaced anger, he snorts.

"Oh dear, it looks like you've dropped your beverage sir!" Wadsworth exclaims. Jayden groans and covers his ears with his pillow. A hangover, an early morning, and an annoying robot is just too much for him. Add in a distress signal and you have a recipe for disaster.

While he lies there, Jayden considers the message. Of course, he'd like to just lie in bed and have Wadsworth bring him more drinks, but it's Amata. What would she have done in his place? Surely not what he was doing. She would have got out of bed right away and started off for Vault 101.

With a grimace, Jayden rises from bed and staggers upright, bumping into Wadsworth. "Terribly sorry sir!" the robot apologizes, twisting to face Jayden. Unfortunately, the glass shards and spilled vodka tumble from the butler's grip, and soon Jayden's covered in both.

It takes all of Jayden's self control not to whip out his trusty combat shotgun and end the butler. These days it's hard to maintain self control. After a few deep breaths, he's calm enough to speak. "Clean me up Wadsworth, I have a date with Vault 101."


	2. Chapter 2

The harsh sunlight is almost enough to send Jayden back into the safety of his home, but he knows that he can't take the easy way out. Not this time. Not when the safety of Amata is on the line.

Even before his eyes adjust to the light he can hear the panting. With a kind smile he looks down, and there, as always, is his trusty sidekick, Dogmeat. He's told the dog at least a thousand times to leave, but Dogmeat just keeps coming back. At first Jayden wasn't sure what to make of his new pet. It was just another mouth to feed. But eventually, the dog found his way into Jayden's heart, and now they're inseparable.

"Hey boy," Jayden whispers, scratching Dogmeat on the neck. He stares back with intelligent and wary eyes. The poor beast has been through hell, and Jayden wonders if it's time to leave him behind. The journey back to the vault won't be an easy one. As if sensing his thoughts, Dogmeat barks enthusiastically, as if saying, "I'm good to go!" Jayden smiles and raises, but not before giving Dogmeat another friendly ruffle.

"We're going to go see and old friend Dogmeat. And yes, you can come, so stop giving me that look! It worked when you were a puppy but now it's just awkward," Jayden says with a grin. In response Dogmeat gives a long sorrowful howl, but retains a knowing smirk. Sometimes the dog seems more human than everyone else in Megaton.

Jayden laughs, something that hasn't happened in awhile. He hasn't even set foot out of Megaton and already he's beginning to feel changed. Beginning to feel like his old self.

Just as he's about to leave Megaton, he hears a voice call out from behind him. "Jayden! We have something for you!" With a sigh, Jayden turns around, trying not to roll his eyes. Time to accept another box of cereal or something, just great, another thing to weigh him down.

To his surprise the girl isn't alone this time. Standing beside her are Moira and Walter. The girl's holding something behind her back. _All this time and I still don't know her name,_ Jayden thinks to himself.

"The people of Megaton have all chipped in to get you this," the girl declares, and holds out some sort of device. It's a metal frame with a circular attachment on top.

Walter beams and Moira runs up to hug Jayden. They still think of him as Megaton's saviour, something that he hasn't been for quite awhile.

"That's great and all, but what is it?" Jayden asks, trying to get out of Moira's grip. She's surprisingly strong for someone her size.

"It's a recording device. Moira and I spent the last couple weeks making it for you, to help you outta your funk," Walter explains.

"It's made to fit your Pip-Boy!" Moira bursts in, unable to control herself. Excitedly, she grabs Jayden's arm and motions for the girl to fit the recording device on. A quick snap and it's attached to the Pip-Boy, looking as if it had always belonged there.

"So? What do you think? It's great isn't it? We spent so much time on that thing, you wouldn't believe it! Walter took a bunch of scrap metal and I took some computer components and we made that! Isn't it great?" Moira exclaims, fumbling with the Pip-Boy.

Jayden winces and tries not to strangle her. She might have good intentions but she's still annoying as hell. "Just hold still Jayden, I still need to adjust some things..." Now she's pressing up closer and closer, and finally she's hit a nerve.

"Get off me!" Jayden yells, pushing her away. In one quick motion he grabs his shotgun from its holster and aims it at Moira. Dogmeat growls at Jayden. Even the dog knows that he's done something wrong.

Frowning, Jayden lowers his weapon and turns away. There's no excuse for what he did. What scares him is that he was seconds away from murdering her. He's spent enough time in Megaton. The residents are starting to get on his nerves, and Jayden just isn't sure if he can control his temper any longer. It's only a matter of time before another accident happens, and this time he might not be able to cover it up.


	3. Chapter 3

Jayden's Holotape One

I'm on my way to Vault 101 as we speak. This recording add on isn't half bad; Walter and Moira did a great job. They're good friends for trying to help me out of my depression. And once again I have ruined things by raising my weapon.

Ever since Lucas's death tensions have been high in Megaton. Everyone with a weapon is closely watched: Jericho can barely leave his house, Moira's mercenary gets dirty looks, but I'm left alone. The citizens of Megaton trust me, they see me as their hero. Some hero I am.

What have I done for them in the past few months? Nearly drink myself to death, get into a bar fight with Billy, and now this? What kind of hero am I?

When Lucas was murdered I nearly lost it. I would have gone insane if my dad wasn't still out there, waiting for me to find. My mission kept me on track and out of trouble, but now that I know my father's dead... well you could say that my life lost all of its meaning.

Lucas was my best friend. He understood me like no one else out in the Wastelands. Like no one ever will. I think that his death truly hit me when I dragged myself to Megaton, wounded after fighting the Raiders.

My father's death destroyed me, pushed me to the brink of losing myself. I became reckless, attacking whoever and whatever crossed my path. I almost killed Dogmeat during my rampage. The fight with the Raiders was the last straw, after that I knew that I had to pull myself together, and so I returned to Megaton.

Back in the day whenever I was hurt I would go and see Lucas. He, Gob, and Nova were my best friends; the people I turned to in bad times. Nowadays Gob and Nova won't even look at me, let alone talk to me. They're the only ones who know me for who I really am. They're the only ones that can see through my act.

There's no reason to think about it though. No reason to put myself through that guilt again. I've spent too many nights thinking about how things could've been different, about what would have happened if I hadn't gotten into that fight with Lucas. I've spent too much time thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't killed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Jayden's Holotape Two

The area around Vault 101 has changed since I was last here. There's something in the air, I can feel it. Everything looks more... sinister. Dogmeat's been acting odd lately, maybe there's something that his animal instincts can sense that I can't.

Damn... how long is it since I was last here? I think it's been almost two years since I escaped the Vault. Will... will Amata even recognize me? Will she see me the same way? Or will she see me as a strange Wastelander? I don't know if I can bare that. I've already lost one of my best friends, to lose the other would be... hard to get over.

Throughout my two years out in the Wasteland I never met anyone like Amata. Honest, loyal, intelligent; that kind of girl is hard to find. She's been my best friend for so long. There were more than a few times when I thought that maybe we could be more, but all that forethought was put to end when my father left the Vault.

When I escaped the Vault I was confused as hell. Things just happened so fast I didn't know what to do. The Wasteland was nothing like the Vault, but it wasn't the nightmare that the Overseer had made it out to be. It was free.

I had begged Amata to come with me, but she had refused. At first I didn't understand it. Her father was... delusional. His ideas about ensuring the safety of the Vault sounded flawed to me even back then, as naive as I was. After awhile though, I finally figured out why Amata stayed. She needed to watch over her father. She needed to stay with him, even if he was making wrong decisions. The bond between a parent and their kid is hard to break, and my story is a prime example of that.

My story is also a prime example of what happens when that bond is broken. I-I don't think that I'm ready to talk about that just yet. The memory's too fresh.

God, how much I've changed. Two years. Two years in this goddamn Wasteland! Sometimes I hate my dad for leaving. Why did he ruin what we had? Things weren't perfect in the Vault, sure, but they're pretty fucking better in there than out here.

Who the hell cares about giving the Wastelanders clean water? We had all the clean water we wanted back at the Vault! Why the hell did you have to leave and die? Why did you have to leave me alone like this!

I-I'm sorry. Wait, why the fuck am I apologizing to myself? No one else is going to hear this, so fuck it. I just... I guess I'm not over his death after all.

You know what? I'm done. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I'm done. It's time to move. Stay here Dogmeat. I'm going into the Vault.

Hey guys, tell me what you think, all of your input really helps out. Like, it hate it, I don't care, just review it!

-Edbert


	5. Chapter 5

Officer Gomez sits at his post, sipping a cup of coffee. A muffled bang echoes from behind him. It's probably just George trying to fix the water purifier again. He sighs, and takes a look around him. Things in the Vault have changed so much since James left. Bodies litter the floor, victims of the Overseer's fight for control. Everywhere are signs of dissent and rebellion. Some of the Rebels have painted over the signs that use to hang over the entranceway; FUCK THE OVERSEER is painted everywhere.

With a sigh, Officer Gomez turns back to his coffee. If only James hadn't left. So much pain was caused, all Officer Gomez can do is hope that things will get better. Perhaps the Overseer will finally give in now that his own daughter is opposing him.

_Creak. Creak. Creeeeaaaaaaak. _

Frowning, Officer Gomez turns from his coffee find the source of the sound. His eyes widen as he realizes that the Vault door is opening. The various locks are unlocking, many gears are turning, and slowly, the Vault door is raising.

For a few moments Officer Gomez is simply stunned. Then the alarm bell sounds and the room glows a dark red, snapping him into action. The officer has no idea how the Vault opens, but he knows that it's his duty to keep whatever is knocking on the Vault door outside. No exceptions. Grimly, Officer raises him gun, ready to shoot.

At first the bright light from the outside blinds him. It's been so long since he'd seen actual sunlight. It almost makes him wish that it wasn't James, but himself that had left the Vault. Squinting his eyes, Gomez can make out a shape, but its features aren't defined.

"Gomez? Is that you old buddy?"

"No fucking way," Gomez breathes, lowering his weapon. How long has it been since he's heard that voice? Ages it seems like, but its changed, Jayden sounds more like James now. Gomez grins and walks up to his old friend. Just like old times, except...

Dropping his smile, Gomez remembers the trouble that the Vault's in. Nervously, he glances around, making sure that the other guards aren't in the immediate vicinity. It wouldn't do for him to get caught with the Vault open. Who knows what the Overseer might do.

"Something wrong?" Jayden asks casually. Gomez can tell that he's only trying to act nonchalant. He can tell that Jayden's been through hell out in the Wasteland. Something terrible has happened to him, and it's haunting him.

"Jayden, you shouldn't have come back. It's... it's dangerous here, for all of us. Leave now, while you have the chance. It's best for all of us," Gomez says, avoiding eye contact.

All Jayden can do is shake his head. "I've already come this far Gomez, I'm not turning back. Besides, Amata's expecting me." Jayden can't help but grin a little at the mention of Amata. After venting out all his sadness and anger through the holotape outside the Vault, he's feeling strangely... light. Light, carefree, and happy. Maybe all he needed was an outlet. Something that he could talk to, something that could do what Lucas did; listen. Surprisingly, that something was a recording device.

"Well, I'll be damned. Amata called for you? Then you must know what's going on in the Vault," Gomez reasons. He's watching Jayden carefully. There's something different about him, and Gomez isn't sure if he trusts it.

"I know most of what happened, and I don't care how dangerous it might be. I've handled a lot worse than a couple of Vault guards out in the Wasteland."

Gomez smiles sheepishly. He knows that he has no chance fighting against Jayden. There's no way that he could overpower him, and he just doesn't have it in him to kill him with a single gunshot. "Alright then. Do you want to go see Amata?"

"Hell yeah. It's been too long since I've seen her."

"Come on then, let's go, before the other guards notice," Gomez says, motioning for Jayden to walk with him. Now that he's out of the sunlight Gomez can tell that he's changed, physically at least. Jayden's bigger, stronger, and he walks with more confidence. The Wastelander clothing suits him better than the Vault jumpsuit the Overseer forced everyone to wear. It seems more natural.

They climb the stairs slowly, careful not to make any noise. It wouldn't do for the other guards to catch them. Finally they're up the stairs and into the atrium. There are more bodies here, more signs of trouble.

"How... how many died?" Jayden asks hesitantly. He's not sure if he really wants to hear the answer. These were the only people he ever knew for 19 years.

Officer Gomez stops and looks at the bodies. There's pain in his features, Jayden can tell. "Around four people died when you first left, and just recently there were five more deaths. The Overseer sees this as a unpleasant step to achieving peace in the Vault. Some peace this is," Gomez spits.

"Now now, who are you to be questioning the great Overseer?"

Jayden and Gomez whirl around to face the voice. Officer Wilkins stands over Steve Armstrong's dead body. He's bleeding heavily, but only half dead. "Jayden?" Steve croaks.

"Shut the fuck up maggot. Rebels like you deserve to die. It's because of you people that family isn't here with me today!" Wilkins snarls, stepping on Steve's back and aiming the gun down on his head. A quick gunshot and Steve is done.

"Now... Jayden. Your back!" Wilkins exclaims, waving his pistol erratically. There's a maniacal look in his eyes, the look of someone who has lost it all.

"Wilkins, Jayden didn't cause your family's death. Please. Don't do this," Gomez begs.

Wilkins stares at them coldly, training his gun on Jayden. "Gomez. You have no idea how it feels to lose someone close to you. Someone that you cared about. This stupid kid and his father ruined everything that I had. My brother Jim, gone. My wife Janice, gone. Janice was pregnant Gomez. Did you know that? Huh? Well now you do. So don't fucking judge me. I'm just serving justice."

Jayden looks at Wilkins with a newfound perspective. He lost everything as well. Wilkins lost a brother, Jayden killed his best friend. Wilkins lost his unborn child, Jayden lost his father. Wilkins lost his wife, Jayden's on the brink of losing Amata.

"The fuck are you staring at? You think I'm crazy? Well maybe I am. But that doesn't change the fact that I want you-"

"Wilkins. Stand down."

A shiver runs down Jayden's spine. Even now he remembers that voice. Sometimes it still haunts him in his nightmares, more so than all the Super Mutants he's ever faced. It's the voice that killed Jonas. It's the voice that almost killed him. It's the voice that just saved him.

The Overseer stands just outside his office, looking down on Jayden, as if he's unsure of what to do with him. After what seems like an eternity of waiting, the Overseer breaks the silence. "Welcome home Jayden. We have a lot of talking to do."

Guys, please review! My main purpose of writing this fanfic is getting better as a writer, and I need feedback to do it! Thanks a bunch!

Edbert


	6. Chapter 6

The Overseer sits at his large desk, watching Jayden. His Vault jumpsuit is tarnished, and there's blood on it. A nasty gash has just recently healed on his forehead. A struggle? Perhaps the Rebels are more dangerous than Jayden originally thought.

Officer Gomez and Wilkins are standing guard just inside the office, in case Jayden decides to escape. Just minutes before Officer Wilkins and Gomez dragged Jayden into the office. Jayden didn't struggle. He's decided that he doesn't want to kill anymore. He's thinking as a hero should.

"Jayden. What brings you back to the Vault?" the Overseer asks with a dangerous smile.

Unconsciously, Jayden gulps. Sure, he could easily take out all three of these men, and then go and find Amata, but that's not how a hero would do it. With a sigh, Jayden answers, "Your daughter sent me a distress signal. She said that the Vault was... well not what it used to be."

The Overseer gives a curt nod, and stares into Jayden's eyes. "There's something you're not telling me Jayden. You really shouldn't keep secrets from people with authority," the Overseer growls.

He looks up at the guards and nods. Wilkins instantly pounces on Jayden, while Gomez reluctantly draws his weapon. Jayden grits his teeth, and keeps from drawing his own weapon. No, that would be a mistake. Pulling out a shotgun would spell immediate death.

The Overseer raises from his desk and walks up to Jayden. Once he's an inch from his face, he whispers, "Tell me what everything Jayden. Or Wilkins here will end you. Or maybe I'll make Gomez kill you. Death by a friend's hand, a nice touch don't you think?"

"Amata was right. You have gone crazy," Jayden spits.

The Overseer frowns, and leans back on his desk. "So, my own daughter thinks I'm mad. Is this what she said in the distress signal?"

Jayden nods but maintains his ice cold glare. How could this man have lead the Vault for so long? Why didn't anyone stop him?

With a sigh, the Overseer carefully takes a picture from his desk. It's Amata. Even now he cares for her. Jayden can tell that he's tired of this. Maybe he is crazy, but there's still a loving father somewhere deep down. Suddenly, the Overseer looks up with a new expression on his face. Defeat.

"Go. Just... just go. See Amata, maybe she has the answers. Obviously I don't."

"Sir! You can't let this outsider through! We should kill him now, and get it all over with," Wilkins demands, pulling out a knife. Slowly and carefully he traces an outline on Jayden's cheek, cutting him and drawing blood.

"Stop Wilkins. You heard the Overseer. Let him go," Gomez orders, aiming his gun at Wilkins.

Reluctantly, Wilkins pulls away, glaring at Gomez as he exits the office.

"Gomez, escort our guest to the Rebel base... err the classroom. See if you can get Amata to come and talk to me. I think it's about time that I faced my daughter."


	7. Chapter 7

"That was close Jayden. I thought that the Overseer was about to snap when you said he had gone crazy. You really shouldn't have done that, next time he might just kill you," Gomez warns.

The pair are on walking through the hallways heading towards the classroom. Jayden's still shaking from his encounter with the Overseer. Things were so much easier when he allowed himself to lose control. Back then he would have simply pulled out his shotgun and fought his way to Amata. Who knew that a few holotapes could change a person so quickly.

"Listen to me Jayden!"

Jayden glances back at Gomez, who's stopped in the hallway. The officer's arms are crossed and he's looking worriedly at Jayden. "The Overseer will not be lenient the next time you cross paths. It's hard to predict his moods." Gomez pauses for a moment, thinking.

"Some of the guards have been talking, and we think that the Overseer might be suffering from Vault Depressive Syndrome," he whispers.

It's hard not to laugh. The Overseer's hell bent on keeping everyone inside the Vault, when he himself is suffering from being pent up in the Vault. "Don't worry Gomez. When I get Amata to talk to him, I'm sure that things will resolve themselves," Jayden assures him.

Gomez nods, but he's still unsure. They continue on in silence, and soon they're a few feet away from the classroom. "This is where I stop Jayden. The Rebels don't take too kindly to guards," Gomez says sheepishly.

"Thanks for your help Gomez. If you weren't in that office with me..." Jayden feels the cut on his cheek. "Just know that you're a good friend Gomez."

Gomez grins. After a curt nod, Gomez turns around and drops a key. He's gone before Jayden can say anything. Curiously, Jayden bends down and scoops up the key. Written neatly in Gomez's handwriting is: Jail. After a moment's thought, Jayden pockets the key and continues on.

He can make out someone hiding behind the corner, taking hurried glances at Jayden. "It's alright. I don't bite," Jayden calls out. Slowly, the figure comes out into the light.

Jayden isn't sure whether to smile or to frown. It's Butch, his childhood tormentor. Once again Jayden's reminded by how much has changed since he left. Butch is a shadow of his former self. He's still wearing his Tunnel Snakes jacket, but he seems... afraid.

"L-look buddy, I got no beef with you, so just back off or I'll-"

"Are you serious Butch?" Jayden laughs, cutting him off. With a sly smirk, Jayden pulls out his shotgun, holding it level to Butch's shaking forehead. Already Jayden can see a bead of sweat forming. As hard as it is to admit it, Jayden's having fun.

"Scared yet Butchie?" Jayden murmurs.

Butch lets out a terrified squeal.

"Wow, the Wasteland really has changed you. I never thought that I'd see you bullying the bully."

Panicked, Jayden hurries to stow his weapon. He can help but grin as Amata turns the corner and faces him for the first time in years. She's still beautiful, but she seems older. Wiser. When she smiles Jayden can see that no matter how much time has passed, she's still the same on the inside.

"No need to put the gun away Jay, I knew you were joking from the moment you put that crazy grin on your face," she says, casting a teasing look at Butch. He sheepishly raises, dusting himself off as if nothing had happened. His trademark scowl is soon back on his face.

"Lucky you had that gun punk," he growls. Then his expressions softens, and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Listen... I never got to thank you for saving my mother's life. Just know that it meant a lot to me," he says, eyes looking steadily at the steel floor.

Amata smiles a sad smile and pulls Jayden away. "Butch's mother died later on. Radiation sickness. Jonas could have helped but... my father..." Amata trails off.

As if it's the most natural thing in the world, Jayden hugs her. It seems... right. "I'm so glad that you came," Amata murmurs. She's still in his arms, as if unwilling to let go again.

With a sad smile, Jayden looks back down at her.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be here sooner."


	8. Chapter 8

Butch sits at the edge of the chair, watching Jayden clean his shotgun. It's odd for him to think that the kid he bullied has grown to become... this. "So, have you uh... have you ever killed anyone with that thing?" Butch asks, nervously tapping his foot. He's not sure if he's scared of Jayden, or just in awe.

"Killed anyone?" Jayden laughs. "Buddy, when you step out into the Wasteland you'll see why that's a stupid question." Jayden smirks. How could he have been so afraid of this guy for so long? Now that he's the bigger, stronger, more experienced one, the tables are turned.

Sheepishly, Butch turns away, staring hard at the corner of the bed. "Do you really want to know?"

Butch looks up at Jayden and hesitantly nods. Jayden bites his tongue and looks around. They're alone in the room. It's just as well, these words are not for Amata to hear.

"I... I made a friend in the Wasteland a long time ago. There's a town, Megaton it's called, and he was the mayor of that town. Lucas was his name, and he was my first friend, other than Amata of course. He was the first person that I really opened up to about, well, everything.

"You may not give a shit, but he meant a lot to me," Jayden admits, fumbling with his weapon.

Butch is confused, there's no doubt about that, but he's oddly intrigued. "What does this friend of yours have anything to do with murder?" Butch questions, with a bit of the old steel in his tone.

Jayden's face darkens. He can feel the emotion welling up. He can feel the guilt. Butch is the last person that he wants to talk about this to, but he's here, and he's asking. Maybe it's finally time to confess.

"My friend has everything to do with murder. His life was the first that I ever took," Jayden murmurs sadly. Butch furrows his brow, still confused.

"But... I thought you said he was your friend. Why would you-"

"I don't fucking know Butch!" Jayden yells, startling Butch. Tears are starting to stream down his cheeks, but Jayden doesn't care. Back in the day, Butch would have loved to torture Jayden over his waterworks, but now things are different. Instinct tells him that this new Jayden won't take any shit, especially not with that shotgun in his hands.

Gritting his teeth, Jayden continues on. "I was so angry... something came over me. We were arguing over something... something huge. I had just came back from an extended trip out in the Wasteland. You have no idea how it is out there. Being out there for just a few weeks can change you. It makes you heartless. The constant fear, the terrifying beasts, spend enough time out there and you get hardened. That's what happened to me.

"When I got back to Megaton I found a traveller in Moriarty's Saloon. His name was Mr. Burke, and he had an offer for me. Help him destroy Megaton, and he'd personally lead me to my father, and give us a cushy life in some tower.

"I was tired, hungry, hurt, and all I wanted was to be closer to my father. And so I agreed. The people of Megaton were nothing to me. The only people that I cared about were Lucas, Nova, and Gob. I thought that they would just leave with me, and start a new life. I was wrong.

"That's how the argument started. I told Lucas my plan and he went ballistic. He went on a tirade about how he couldn't believe that I would even suggest something like that. I was... so angry. In my eyes I couldn't understand why he was so upset. All that I could see was that tower, and a happy life with my father and my friends."

Butch snorts, his old self slowly creeping back out. "Sounds like a fairy tale. You blow up a town and you get to live happily ever after. So let me guess, you end up killing the son of a bitch huh?" Butch drawls with a sly grin. Jayden's story is so fantastic and unbelievable that he can't help but ridicule it.

Jayden's not amused. He's starting to see red, his fingers are itching to grab the shotgun and end this conversation. Finally he sighs. It's been a long day and he doesn't have the energy for a fight. With a sigh Jayden looks Butch straight in the eye. Instantly the bully knows that Jayden was serious.

"You know what Butch? I did kill him," Jayden whispers. "I killed him and I can never forgive myself for it. Nova and Gob... they won't even look at me anymore. I've been living a life as the hero of the Wasteland, but I'm just as bad as the Raiders. I killed him Butch. There's no excuse for that."

Jayden slumps over, totally defeated, burying his face in his hands. There's just too much pain and emotion to let out at once. He needs to control himself before he becomes a depressed lump.

"Well, uh..." Butch stutters. He's uncomfortable, he's never had to comfort someone before.

With angry eyes, Jayden glares at Butch. There's nothing that he can say to make anything better. Opening up to his enemy was a mistake, and Jayden can see that now. He was stupid to think that it would have done anything good. "Fuck off Butch... just leave me alone."

Sadness might not be something that Butch can deal with, but anger is. Before he can think over his actions Butch grabs the shotgun and flings it across the room, where it clatter to the floor. "Listen hard. You fucked up. I get that. You fucked up real bad, but that doesn't mean that you can't be the hero that you want to be. So you can either sit here and cry like the little girl that you are, or you can man up and do something about the fucking Overseer. It might not be much to the Wastelanders, but helping us out will help you get back on your feet, _hero. _It's your choice, man up, or wimp out."

With one final stare at Jayden, Butch gets up and walks out of the bedroom. For a long time, Jayden just sits there, thinking things over. As much as he hates to admit it, Butch may be right. There's no use thinking about Lucas, so might as well live in the present.

A knocking makes Jayden look up to the doorway. Amata's standing there, looking worried. "You okay?"

In response Jayden just laughs. "I thought I was supposed to help you guys out, but Butch just helped me more than I could ever help you."

Amata smiles, playing with her long brown hair. "I know. He told me to come see you. Said that you were feeling down, and that I could fix it."

_Maybe Butch knows me better than I thought, _Jayden thinks. "Whenever I'm around you things just seem better," Jayden says honestly. He chuckles, and shakes his head. "It may seem cheesy, but it's the truth."

Soon Amata's sitting next to him on the bed. There's a noticeable blush on her face, but she makes no effort to hide it. "You know, if your dad hadn't left, maybe we could have been something," she whispers into his ear.

Jayden frowns, and turns to face her. "Can't we still be something? We could-"

Amata cuts him off with a kiss, pushing him onto his back. The bed's too small for both of them, but that doesn't make them falter. To Jayden it feels totally natural, even though this is the first time he's been with a woman this way. Her skin feels perfect, smooth and flawless. Her lips feel soft and inviting. It seems like everything else in the world slows down to a crawl. Nothing matter but the her loving touch. Too quickly night comes, and soon both are too tired to do anything but sleep.

"Amata. Your father-"

"Shhh," Amata murmurs playfully, holding a delicate finger to his lips. "We'll talk in the morning, for now, just rest."

Jayden nods, already almost half asleep. As he drifts off he can't help but feel Amata close against him; her heartbeat against his own chest. He smiles and closes his eyes. His dreams are filled with thoughts of her, and only her.


End file.
